As we settle down to some sense of normalcy following our hectic holiday schedules, let us remember to be kind to ourselves in the coming year. Making resolutions and setting goals are ways to embrace the kindness of self-care. Let us resist the temptation to condemn ourselves when we fall short of our goals. Remember the positive steps we do take, looking forward to 2010.
Five Steps for Successful Goal Setting
1. Find a vision for what you want to accomplish.
2. Think about the details of this goal.
3. Decide how serious you are about attaining this goal.
4. Find a quiet place to think and reflect on your goal or goals.
5. Use SMARTER criteria:
Specific- avoid vague ideas of what you
want. Measurable-how will you know when the
goal is achieved? Attainable- is the goal possible at this
point in your life? Relevant-does the goal match your
values? Track-break the goal down into steps that
can be accomplished each year,
month, and week. Elastic-allow some flexibility within this
goal to account for changes in your
life along the way. Rememberable-will you remember
achieving this goal with
satisfaction or anxiety?
We will find success with our goals if we are motivated to celebrate their achievement.
(Vaccaro, Pamela, MA CSP,The Forgotten Art of Setting Goals. Family Practice Management, 1/02. Obtained from www.aafp.org, 12/07).
Does the mere thought of setting New Year’s resolutions and goals increase your anxiety rather than motivate you? Perhaps you have avoided setting goals in order to avoid this feeling.
Rather than focusing on failures of the past, maybe it is time to focus on positive steps you can take in the present. You don’t have to let the past dictate your present and future. Ask yourself what it is that you would like to be different this year in your life, and keep it simple. Set two or three goals. Once those are accomplished, additional life changes may then be explored.
What can you do today or this week to improve one aspect of your life? Can you take a walk, cut down on sugar, or decrease your coffee consumption by 1 cup? By taking “baby steps,” you will find more motivation and less dread with the idea of tackling larger goals.
Making New Year’s resolutions is a common practice in our society. There is just something encouraging and hopeful about starting a new year with promises to improve our lives. Any other time of year, this practice would simply be known as setting goals. However, the New Year can bring an extra jolt of motivation to make lifestyle changes.
When making decisions on goals you want to reach, remember not to overwhelm yourself with too many items on your resolution list. Having a short list of specific, measurable, and attainable goals will increase the chance that you will actually meet them. Take things slowly, breaking down your goals into small steps. Another helpful hint is to ask someone to join you. This will improve accountability as you change habits or work toward other goals. Finally, make sure you are meeting your own needs rather than succumbing to the demands of others.
Above all, remember you are human. Some days you will be more successful than others. Stay focused on the positive steps you have made rather than becoming consumed with the few negative encounters along the way. Lifestyle changes take time, patience, and repeated efforts.
(Harvard Health Letter, Vol.3, 1/06. Obtained from www.health.harvard.edu, 12/07). (NEA Today, vol. 22, 2/04. Obtained from http://web.ebschohost.com, 12/07).
By following certain traditions in daily life and around the holidays, we all contribute uniquely to our heritage and to society as a whole. Traditions help to express and pass down the values and beliefs that are important to a family, as well as to the larger culture and society.
Children especially benefit from the practice of passing down traditions. “…Helps to reinforce the bonds among family members and lets your child know that he is a part of a larger group- which increases his sense of security and safety.” (De Atires, Reguero).
As we begin to celebrate the Christmas season, let’s remember that not only are we enjoying the holiday season as adults, but we are teaching our children values and traditions that will be carried on through generations.
I would encourage you to continue to establish specific holiday traditions that will make this and future seasons more meaningful to your family.
De Atirees, Julia Reguero, Scholastic Parent and Child, Nov/Dec. 2001. Exploring Diversity through Family Traditions, Vol. 9, p. 44-51.
Christmas Candy Cane Symbolism
It is shaped like a shepherd’s staff because
Jesus is our Good Shepherd.
It is white because Jesus is good and pure.
It has red stripes because Jesus shed His blood
For us.
It is made of hard candy because Jesus is our
Rock.
It is sweet because Jesus’ love for us is sweet.
Held upside down, it is shaped like the letter “J”
For Jesus.
It is given to others as a gift because Jesus is
Our gift.
Adapted from Bethany Robert’s Christmas Fun for Kids (December 17, 2003)
www.bethanyroberts.com/ChristmasCandyCanes.htm
There have been a few studies recently that have found a correlation between happiness and general appreciation. People who genuinely appreciate others and circumstances seem to generally be happier individuals.
Appreciation is the ability to recognize the value or importance of a stimulus or event, and perceive it in a positive or meaningful way. “…Some individuals see the ‘silver lining in every cloud’- they recognize, attend to, and value the positive aspects of situations…individuals who view life pessimistically…wallow in their misery for long periods of time.” (Tucker, Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 2007).
Making the choice to find and appreciate the positives in life does indeed affect one’s overall happiness. When one thinks beyond ones’ own circle of circumstances to see the overall picture of what there is to be thankful for, it is possible to increase overall happiness. Basically, happier people tend to appreciate things more than do the less happy individuals.
Family caregivers are faced with unique challenges of balancing their individual home life with caring for additional family members. Whether simply checking on a loved one in a structured facility, providing total care for someone living in the same home, or somewhere in between, additional stress is faced. This additional stress can affect one’s physical, mental, and emotional health. It is vital that the caregivers be acknowledged and assisted in their efforts. “Family caregivers…are, in many ways, the backbone of the long-term caregiving system.
They provide and coordinate the resources required for the day to day functioning of the care recipient…Because of the tasks and responsibilities that caregiving entails, it is not surprising that it creates significant stress…Physical symptoms resulting from caregiving, such as high blood pressure and a weak immune system, are leading causes of mortality among family caregivers.” (Gopalan, Brannon, The Journal of Psychology, 2006). A demonstration of appreciation for these selfless people is vital for their motivation to continue in these tasks.
November is a perfect time to express this appreciation and honor those who are “living in the trenches” of caregiving every day. In particular, the week of Thanksgiving has been set aside as a time to honor these people by the National Association of Family Caregivers. Contact them for suggestions and additional information.
Contact me for information regarding the monthly support groups I lead for Caregivers of Elderly Relatives.
According to most historians, the Pilgrims never observed an annual Thanksgiving feast in autumn. In the year 1621 they did celebrate a feast near Plymouth, Massachusetts, following their first harvest. This was a time to celebrate their first successful harvest after a time of fasting and prayer. It was modeled after the kind of feasts the pilgrims were used to in England. The food served included corn, barley, pumpkins, peas, fowl, deer, fish, and wild turkey. But this feast most people refer to as the first Thanksgiving was never repeated.
Oddly enough, most devoutly religious pilgrims observed a day of thanksgiving with prayer and fasting, not feasting. Yet even though this harvest feast was never called a day of thanksgiving by the pilgrims of 1621, it has become the model for traditional Thanksgiving celebrations in the United States.
The holiday season can be an enjoyable time with family, friends, and traditions. However, for many people, the holiday season is a time of increased stress, anxiety, worry, and grief. The pressure of trying to get additional things accomplished in the midst of an already full schedule, coupled with cultural expectations to be “happy,” can be overwhelming.
For those who have lost loved ones, suffered abuse, or are currently experiencing loneliness and isolation, this time of year can be complicated. Sometimes people feel compelled to smile rather than identify and express their true feelings. Masking depression in this way increases internal conflict and frustration. When loved ones have passed away during the holiday season, enjoying this time of year is especially challenging.
Common indicators of depression are poor concentration, change in appetite or sleep patterns, and increased social withdrawal. During the holidays, therapy is beneficial in order to alleviate these symptoms. A professional psychotherapist can provide empathy, education, and guidance. Rather than minimizing your depression, why not celebrate the holidays with the gift of your first therapy appointment?
It may be time to seek the help of a professional when you are feeling: overwhelmed, anxious, irritable, “stuck”, or if you are experiencing changes in your sleep patterns. These symptoms may arise as a result of stress, grief, or other life transitions.
When working with a psychotherapist, you will be:
1. Talking with someone you can trust about inner issues and struggles
2. Working on mutually established goals to improve your life and relationships
3. Challenged to try new choices and behaviors in order to meet life goals
4. Learning about options available in conjunction with individual therapy, such as support groups and medication.
It is important to “click” with your therapist so you can trust that he or she has your best interest in mind. A good therapist will help you find independence in your life while setting healthy boundaries and making positive choices.
There are many different approaches to treating depression. Of course medication is very common, as well as using various “self help” books. If counseling is sought, there are about as many different approaches as counselors, depending on therapeutic orientation and styles.
I find gaining insight into the root cause of the depression is most helpful for long term solutions. I also believe that the combination of medication and therapy work well together. The chemical adjustment helps to stabilize the client so that deeper work can be done in therapy. I work with the prescribing doctor to communicate any change in symptoms.
Although I do offer coping skills and strategies in order to work through the most severe level of depression, I prefer to continue working with the client to explore any unresolved issues that may have contributed to the depression in the first place.
To explore this area, I find it helpful to identify specific emotions and “rules” the client may have about what is acceptable to feel. I believe that the more specific the feelings are identified, the less power they have. In my experience, very often depression is actually the result of many unidentified feelings and expectations.
By exploring together these other feelings, we can begin to gain insight into the source of these feelings and then resolve them as much as possible. This might involve grief work or “changing the rule book”. It can also mean learning how to nurture instead of criticize.
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